The Birthday Party

The birthday party can be a tricky situation.  Who you want to invite vs. who you feel like you have to invite.  It’s a delicate dance, a tightrope walk of sorts.  This year you decide, is the year to invite only those you want to invite; only the number of people you can serve without breaking the budget.  Somehow though, the little voice, the quiet voice that breaks through all your other thoughts, keeps asking, “what are you going to say when so-and-so asks why they weren’t invited?”  (sigh)  Why does it have to be so complicate when it’s just a birthday party for a child?

Learning How to Let Go

I’ve realized that I do not know how to let go. To clarify, I do not know that steps that I need to take in order to move on from a nagging feeling, to stop myself from ruminating, to let go of a situation that is bothering me, etc.

For example, someone took great joy, and found humor in an error that I made. Now, I know that I should consider that source and let it go. But, for some reason, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. It has dominated my thoughts for a day-and-a-half. Maybe it’s because I have considered the source and am surprised at their angle considering our relationship.

I want to know/learn how to let go. In most cases I just give things time (as with my previous post entitle “Why.”), but something was different about this instance. I felt compelled, by emotions I’m sure, to defend myself. But against what? An insignificant moment, an uneducated person, someone who was just waiting for the moment that I made an error? I’m exhausted just typing this- and mad at myself at the same time. I’ve wasted hours and energy, and I know that this isn’t the first time I’ve done so. I want to stop this, and I want to learn how to let go.

I am open to and considering all suggestions!

Cooking Up Confidence

Who doesn’t love to eat?  I know I sure do!  I realized that in trying new recipes I have become a bit more confident in my cooking- and adventurous too.  Confidence in cooking may not seem very helpful, but it sure does feel good. 

The whole process is a learning and growing experience: choosing a new recipe, shopping for the needed ingredients- maybe some that you have not used before, preparation, execution, serving, and the best part, tasting!  Each step can set you in the direction of the unknown, unfamiliar.  However, each step also has the potential to create a new, positive experience that makes you want to do more!

I believe that it is just as important to use the small experiences, as it is the large, in building confidence. 

In the spirit of this post, I decided to share the recipe I will be trying today: Moscato Cupcakes!  I will be baking these for girlfriends birthday that we are celebrating at the wineries in Temecula (I’ve got a theme going here).  I found this recipe via Pinterest.com  from Brooke Bakes (blog) http://brooke-bakes.blogspot.com/2012/04/moscato-cupcakes.html.  ENJOY!

Never stop cooking up confidence!

 

In This House

In this house, when you do not have a job, school/learning is your job.  In this house, we are respectful of the teacher, her time, and classroom rules.  And, in this house, when you do not take school seriously, and you are not respectful of the teacher, her time, and the classroom rules you write apology letter(s) and “I will not…” sentences.

Some behaviors are just unacceptable- the above is one unacceptable behavior in this house.

Why

Why do we feel so let down by others?  Maybe the question I should be asking is, “Why do we hold others to such expectations as our own?” Or, “Why do we hope so much for someone without considering if they are capable, or if what we want for them is really what they want for them?”

I recently felt so let down, disappointed, heartbroken, by someone I love with all my heart.  I am still struggling to make sense of the situation, to determine how I am to feel, and respond, and move forward with the “new” person they now are.  I want to let go, to breathe, to support this person.  But, I feel as if providing my support is in essence saying the decision that was made, and the result of that decision is okay, that I am okay with what happened, what is happening, and what may happen.  However, I am not okay.  How do I/we move forward?  How do I/we decide when its the right time to talk, to accept the situation as it is?

While this disappointment and heartbreak is not for my child, I do believe that once you become a mother, you feel more intensely, more fiercely- you feel more.  I want to  forgive, but don’t understand why I feel that I have been wronged.  I must remind myself that this is not my child, this is not my life, and that I love this person so much.  I must separate myself from their future, their struggles, and what lies ahead for them.  I must realize that I can only live my life by my expectations.  I must remind myself that I can offer suggestions due to experience, but that those suggestions may be ignored, or modified.

So, I guess that answer to the questions above could be love.  Or, maybe selfishness.  Maybe its a situation that can be changed from selfishness to love through letting go, providing support, and be willing/open to others personal journeys.

My Inspiration For This Blog

My inspiration to get this blog going was a Kurt Vonnegut quote I ran across:

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard.  Do not let the pain make you hate.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a peaceful place.”

While I have to admit that I have not read any of his works, this quote really struck a chord with me and how I view myself in this world, how I react to things and others around me.  I want to change how I feel, how I think, and how I react so that I can ENJOY more, LAUGH more, SMILE more, EXPERIENCE more.

I want to always feel the sun on my skin & the wind in my hair.  I want to take a step back and just breathe.